chemical changes & an invitation ✰
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I have this running narrative that changing my mind means that I am unreliable. That am not to be trusted. That I don’t see things through. I think these feelings are rooted in my own relationship with my moods and how their seasons impact my creative life (and life in general).
Please note: that when I mention mood-season, seasonal-mood, seasonal transition, or seasonally, I’m referring to my two primary mood-seasons, which have little to do with the patterns of actual seasons, and more to do with the chemicals in my brain.
I say this because I just had one mood-season end and another begin, and while my mood can transition into another season in a matter of minutes, in order to properly adjust to her new reality, my emotions, routines, and overall sense-of-self, need much longer to catch up.
And it was while I was doing my best to catch up that a particularly insistent idea kept popping up and I thought, what if I didn’t hold on as tightly? What if I let it move and change alongside me? What if I stopped trying to hold everything in place?
Generally speaking, it’s in these transitional periods that a lot of my creative-ideas come to life, often many at once, which usually just means I’m more susceptible to burnout—you know, heading into something blindly and without checking in with yourself first, like: who am I creating this for? What are my expectations for it? How do I want it to feel when I do it?
While these check-in’s might not be necessary for everyone, as someone who is still learning to manage her own mood-transitions, those check-in’s feel like the only thing tethering me to the ground. To the place that I rely on to rest and take care and connect with my community.
Without those things tethering me to the ground, I am like a speeding train on a track that floats high in the sky before it abruptly ends. And so I slow down and I ask myself, who I am creating this for? How does it make me feel? What are my expectations for it? For myself?
And I am motivated to keep learning how to tend to myself so that I can either find an alternate route to the train-track in the sky, or finish building the track, trusting the work I’ve put in to make the journey safe (or as safe as anything can be).
Really, I want to begin better understanding my own answers to these questions so that I’m more likely to: focus on what I want to feel right now vs. what I think I should be feeling later.
What I came up with is: what I want right now is community. A space to learn and be inspired, and with room for us to change our minds and try new things and let ideas go.
What I want to feel is connected. To move through our own seasons in the way that we need to in order to create and be in community.
A home for creating is exactly as it sounds: a home to create and feel encouraged and supported and inspired by each of our own creative processes. All while in community.
If you’re curious to find out more, click on ‘a home for creating’ just above, or via the button just below. I’d love for you to join me!
Talk soon,
Chloe
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